Ok…I admit it…I ordered one.

For all the many years that I have been working on this degree, I told myself that when I hit Senior status I would order a college ring. I was always a jewelry person. Over the years I have become a little less fascinated with baubles and have come to wear classic jewelry that I already have or some interesting inherited pieces.

This fall my transcript and time ticket for registering for class finally said – Senior Status. I have projected that I will graduate in Spring 2011 (quite a ways from the Spring 2002 start). A month or so ago I stopped by the bookstore and Balfour was set up with their display of rings. I looked several times during the week, tried a few on, found out about prices – but nothing jumped out at me. Everything was light weight and just had no charisma for me. I don’t know what I was expecting . . . a divine revelation? I finally decided that I would rather have airfare for a trip and quietly put the brochure and price list away.

Through the windows of the book store this week I saw a ring display set up again. Even as I bought a Blue Book for my Tuesday night exam, I didn’t pay much attention since I thought I had seen them all. But yesterday I ducked into the Barnes and Nobel to wait for the rain to slow down before I dashed back to my office. I found myself in front of the rings again. After speaking with the woman behind the table I realized that this was Herff Jones not Balfour. As I glanced at the rings I saw some ‘fashion’ rings – not as many as Balfour had, the normal collegiate rings with stones, and a nice selection of signet rings. My eyes rested on one – the Viscount. It was perfect. The right size for my hand, not as small and light weight as the others I had previously tried on. I had one question – can I see it in white gold? As soon as I slipped the white gold version on my hand that was it! I ordered it on the spot.

I feel a little foolish – a little guilty – for spending the money. So much will have to be bought in the next few months with rebuilding of the townhouse and the replacement of lost things. My husband tells me that I deserve it – and will wear it proudly. It will be here in January.

Awake

How long have I been asleep? Six months for sure…maybe as long as a year …or more? I have been jolted awake and am staring at myself in amazement. How could I have let this happen? I have been walking through life numb and disheartened.

They say you never know how sick you are until you feel better. Well I didn’t know how depressed I was until – the happiness of Teresa's coming visit jerked me awake. Now I find myself vacillating between trying to figure out how to catch up and chastising myself for being so insane. But, I have this sense of energy and clarity that has been seriously missing for a long time.

Here are two of the things that I must immediately correct:

Academics: I have totally screwed up this semester. I currently have a C in Greek Art and Architecture – my professor is not exactly thrilled with me. She knows I can do better. I am barely making a B in Design of Cities: Roman Urbanism. This is crazy!! I have not read and scarcely studied for these classes. I have 2 exams and 2 papers due in the next 3 weeks that could make or break me.

Christening Gown: I have a christening gown to make for a friend…all the fabric and lace are in disarray waiting to be put together. The date for the ceremony is November 8th in Pennsylvania. That gives me a week! Procrastination has always been my middle name – and I usually justify this by saying I work better under pressure. This time is different though. My insecurities with my own faith (or lack of) have made a creative outlet that I used to find joy in become a task. I need to focus on the joy of my friend and her beautiful baby boy whose birth is truly a miracle!

There are so many other things that are clear now that I need to address and not let overwhelm me. Age, health, work, attitude, loss of my parents, missing Jenny, Teresa and Charleston, house fire, future – things I don’t need to worry about, but acknowledge and move on. I will figure out how deal with each of them in a positive way. I need to live in today – Awake!